Day Eleven: No matter what.

Wow. So I guess today just isn't going to be easy.

First up, I weighed in and was really disappointed to see that the number on the scales has gone back up a bit. I had been down to 156 but today saw me back at 160. I started at 162. WTF. I totally wasn't ready for that! You think that when you're working out every day no matter what that the weight will only go down. So I started delivering myself all these little internal justifications. You know: Weight fluctuates a little every day. I'm in the middle of my period so I'm probably retaining extra water. And an oldie but a goody-muscle weighs more than fat. But the truth is, none of that matters. It doesn't matter because the scales are only useful as a motivator. It does me no good if I beat myself up about it. Honestly there's only one thing that I know for sure won't help me get fit and make me happy and that's giving up. Anything else, as long as I'm really working for it, will get me where I'm going. It may get me there quickly and it may get me there slowly, but it will get me there. So fuck the scale. I walked away from it and started level two.

Level two is hard. No kidding. Level two totally kicked my ass. All that strength and grace I'd built up in level one isn't necessarily going to be an automatic carry over. Bummer. My legs were shaking like mad and I started falling over. Oh yeah. Level two is hard. I was reaching for mantras and trying not to watch the clock. I'm telling myself over and over to just get through it. If you can just get through it today, it'll be easier tomorrow. Just get through it. I was trying to remember how some days in level one were huge leaps forward from the day before and some were small steps. So that means you just have to get through the small steps in order to be ready to take the leap, right? And I started thinking about that phenomenon that's always running through my yoga practice. It's almost always the postures that I dread the most that end up being my very favourites. You just have to master it and to master it you just have to keep going. Honestly. This was my internal dialogue the entire time. And eventually I made it through. I was shaking and sweaty, but I did it. Tomorrow will be easier. Tomorrow will be easier. Tomorrow will be easier.

And what did I do when I was done with my first day in level two? I tried to run through the Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown level one! Apparently making it through level two gave me that push to try and get back into yoga. This is where it really kicked me though, because halfway through that routine, I pulled a muscle. D'oh! It's a muscle in my left calf that's been giving me a bit of trouble for a few days now. Not really to the point where I had to stop obviously, but it's been making itself known. Part way through yoga though, it just called it quits. So I've been thinking about it and I realised I have a few options here. I can use it as an excuse. I can take a little breather, soak it in the bath in a bit, and try Yoga Meltdown again. Or I can do a non-aerobic yoga routine after a little break. So what am I going to do? Well, my resolve today can't wrap my brain around using it as an excuse. Excuses got me to where I can't stand seeing a video clip of myself without cringing. Nope. No way. So it's Jillian Michaels yoga or Jason Crandell yoga. I think I'm going to make that call after my break. There are definite merits to both.