Day Six: Even on days like today.

Now, bear with me because this really will all work itself out in the end. But here's where it starts: 

I've been done with today ever since I opened my eyes this morning. You know those days where it's nothing and everything all at once? Now, I am for the most part an incredibly logical person. I'm also someone who absolutely hates to complain. I absolutely loath the sound of my own voice when I am complaining. But today all bets were off. From the minute I woke up, everything was too much. I woke up cold. I woke up to disappointing news. I woke up to the realisation that I'm over scheduled on Friday and probably won't get any sleep. I woke up remembering that I hadn't made it to Morrison's last night to pick up breakfast for today. I had to walk to the store with my Giant where the white Scottish sky seemed even a little more oppressive than usual. I'll completely admit that I came straight home and cried. It's embarrassing, but it's true. I cried. And cried and cried and cried. I cried until I was completely exhausted, fell asleep, only to wake up and cry a bit more. Usually I try and get all the tears out without calling my Giant in, but it looked like there was no end in sight so I called him in from the sitting room.

Since he's amazing, he came in and told me jokes. He hugged me and explained that eventually the sun will come back and even if it doesn't, we can at least go visit it in Portugal soon. He told me all about the Russian spy novel he's reading and asked me what I would like our next flat to be like. He even re-enacted the time he rolled off the bed with a shocked whoop. By the time he had to leave (his band is playing down town tonight), I felt better but still not great.

I flipped through Facebook. I watched an old episode of the X Files. I discovered that the jar of what my Giant referred to as "guacamole" probably doesn't contain anything resembling an avocado. Basically I did everything but my work out. I told myself I didn't have to. I did fancy false math that would justify the short walk to the store and countless tears as "most likely burning the same amount of calories". I even did the thing where I considered just not eating again till tomorrow to make up for the skipped exercise.

But you know what? In the end I realised I was wasting way more time trying to justify it to myself than I would if I just got off my ass and did it. I realised that the more I sat around feeling badly and NOT MOVING the more horrible I felt. So I just got up and did it. I pushed play even though it was after 8pm. I pushed play even though I could have probably laid down and cried again. I pushed play and gave it everything I had-which was a lot more than I thought it was going to be and now I feel...better. I honestly feel 20 times better than I did before I worked out.

So yeah. I'm usually not one to share my tears, but I think it's worth it this time because now they're more like proof that it's a decision. Even on days like today.